Blue Horizons Support Group- Grief thoughts

Blue Horizons Support Group- Grief thoughts

Dr. BlueSaunders, facilitatorGlorious Health Ministries * 804 387-4949

The reality is that you will grieve forever.  You will not “get over” the loss of a loved one,

You will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered.  You will be whole again, but you will never be the same.

 

Nor should you be the same, nor would you want to.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

 

 

Grief

“Is like the ocean; it comes on waves, ebbing and flowing.

Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming.  All we can do is learn to swim”

 

 

The Grieving do not just experience the loss of their loved one.

 They in some sense loose themselves.  They lose security, trust and hope for the future.  A person is forever changed after experiencing a loss.

 

 

 

Grief

After the initial shock of our loss, comes in waves.  When we are driving alone in the car, while doing the dishes, or getting ready for work or church.  And all of a sudden it hits you how much you miss someone, and your tears start to flow in the sadness .. it is great and it’s physically painful!!!

 

Grief doesn’t discriminate

It doesn’t care how much money you have or make, how old you are, or what kind of car you drive.  When grief arrives it doesn’t give you a departure date… as it doesn’t know how long it’s staying.  Some days you may hardly know it’s there and other days it’s so loud that you can’t hear anything else.  Grief can even cause you physical pain.  So when others make you feel like your grief should have moved on, just remember that grief doesn’t care about time.  Grief only leaves when it’s darn ready…. And sometimes it decides to stay.

Grief doesn’t discriminate.

 

 

Walking with Grief

Do not hurry

As you walk with grief.  It does not help the journey.

Walk slowly, do not hurry as you walk with grief.

Do not be disturbed by memories that come unhidden.

Swiftly forgive, and let Christ speak for you unspoken words.

Unfinished conversations will be resolved in Him

To not be disturbed

Be gentle with the one who walks with grief

If it is you, be gentle with yourself

Swiftly forgive, walk slowly, pausing often

Take time, be gentle as you walk with grief.

 

It’s okay.  It’s okay to miss them.  It’s okay to say their name.

It’s okay to cry.  It’s okay to breathe deeply

It’s okay to smile when you think of them.  It’s okay to function.

It’s okay to have days where you can’t function

It’s okay to be angry

It’s okay to love again.  It’s okay to remember.

It’s okay to hope.  It’s okay to be honest

It’s okay to trust again.

It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay

 

 

 

God’s Words to stand on!

 

The Lord will perfect that which concerns me.  Psalms 138:8

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.   Jeremiah 29:11

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.  Ps 32:8

 

As for me, afflicted and in pain-may your salvation, God protect me.  Ps 69:29

 

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.He restores my soul.  He guides me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.  Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.  Psalm 23

 

Show me your ways, Lord, Teach me your paths.

Guide me in your truth and teach me for you are God my Savior, and my hope

Is in you all day long.  Psalm 25:4-5

 

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.  Hebrew 10:23

 

Deuteronomy 6:5-“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and all your strength.”

When you lose some dear and c lose to you- it’s easy to question if God love you or even question if you love God.

As Christians, we struggle with believing that “if God loves us, then we’d have no struggles, have perfect health, have no problems and surely we wouldn’t feel this pain after someone we love has died.”

 

The truth is we aren’t exempt from grief because we’re saved and love the Lord.  Our relationship with God is only made stronger through our trials and troubles.  Unlike those who grieve and don’t know Christ, we have Hope. (1 Thessalonians 4:13)

 

This Hope we have is to know we’ll see our loved ones again in heaven.

But getting to a safe place, a whole place, in the grief journey takes time.  It’s not automatic.

God still loves us even in the darkest, ugly days of our grief AND in time we learn to love Him too, again.

When you lose your spouse, your covenant partner, sometimes the pain is too unbearable that it causes you to question the very essence of life.  Sometimes we start to question our love for God or even if He still loves us.

 

But remember-

God never stopped loving you even through the pain, sorrow and emptiness of grief.

Sure- I know it doesn’t feel like love when you’re hurting, crying and waiting all alone after losing your husband.

 

But remember-

God. Loves. You.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stress

Stress.

That word.  Research has proven that to have a spouse die is the #one stressor on the body.

Read that again.

The most stressful thing on the emotions and body is to lose a spouse.

I think it’s because of the covenant of marriage.  Married is a sacred union between a man and woman. It’s honored by God and joins two individual people together as one.  It’s pretty special and reverenced.

Marriage is a difference covenant than a blood relation with your parents, kids, and relatives.

So when that covenant is broken due to death- it’s as if someone has taken ½ of the person (spouse) away. 

As a couple, you’ve learned to function as one.  Taking two individuals and molding them into one is the beauty of marriage.  It’s also the challenge.  That new union takes time to mold and shape into a couple.  Marriages work smoother when there is a consensus over most, if not all major family decisions that affect the marriage and home.

Working in union doesn’t happen immediately but over time, through yielding, understanding, communication and much grace and love- two separate people become one.  It’s an awesome experience to live through.

No wonder when one spouse dies- that union is broken. The remaining spouse is left alone.  Alone to make decisions. Alone while sleeping. Alone while watching television and cooking. Alone.  Alone wondering who they are now?

Everyone knows them as a couple.  Now they’re a widow. 

You don’t automatically function as an individual.  You’re used to doing most things as a couple.  Shopping for others, cooking for others, thinking as a unit. 

Being a widow is something I too had to grow into.  I had to learn to think independently again.  To make major decisions without the comfort and safety of my husband to share in those decisions.

The stressors involved with learning how to maneuver through life alone, can manifest in mental and physical challenges.  Insomnia, poor eating habits, anxiety, chronic tiredness to name a few symptoms.

Personally I have experienced numerous health challenges since 2015 when my husband of 23 years transitioned to heaven.  Loss of hair, weight gain and loss, anxiety, feeling overwhelmed, depression, sciatic nerve pain, sleepless night etc.  I, like others never expected the grief journey to be so intense to cause physical and such deep emotional pain.  But it can and it may. 

Through natural remedies and much prayer, I have been able to turn around many of the symptoms I experienced.  It is my pray to share many of these with you.

There is hope.

There is a horizon.

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