Imagining the Unimaginable

Music has always been important in my life. Certain kinds of music. Smooth jazz, jazz standards, music with Caribbean/African rhythms, Classical music and Christian worship music. My tastes are as eclectic as my taste in colors and clothes. People always say I’m hard to define. Well I guess that’s the beauty of being human- we’re all made up of different colors of beautiful clay. Molded into a marvelous being.

It appears that music has the ability to turn around my day gone bad. A moving melody can shift the atmosphere and turn my mood from good to even great. I particularly remember one song produced in 2001— a composition about imagining life in God’s heavenly presence. That song continues to resonate with me.

Words have meanings

Since my husband died in 2015, one thing I constantly hear from people are these words, “I can’t imagine…..”

People express disbelief about losing a spouse, acknowledging uncertainty about managing without their partner. Most widows didn’t and often still don’t know what to do without their soulmate. Unfortunately, there is no playbook.

Others have said they couldn’t imagine selling a beautiful house and leaving a beloved community. Yet that’s exactly what happened—sudden financial loss forced relocation after sixteen years in a cherished home and neighborhood. These are the secondary losses that compound the primary grief.

“How do you rebuild a life without your husband?” becomes the haunting question. Looking back over five years, I’m surprised to still be standing, still breathing, still moving forward. I’m amazed at being lifted from the dark grief that held me captive for many lonely months and years.

I’ve always walked to my own beat and moved to my own rhythm. However, widowhood was not in my plans, and I didn’t prepare for it. I don’t think I could have prepared myself for the pain, hurt and sorrow. But I believe God knew and created me strong enough to reach out and obtain hope—hope when I couldn’t imagine the next minute, hour or day.

The Future

To imagine is to seek beyond the present, to believe in tomorrow, to dream. I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but I do believe in hope and somehow a better future. In the meantime, I’ll keep listening to encouraging, wildly creative music—its beats, words and melodies wrapping around my head, my heart and my soul.

And therefore I’ll imagine only good things for my life.