Stories from the healing journey.

On finding people willing to just listen, nine years into her grief journey, and how the biblical image of gathering "at the table" ties back to a marriage built around shared meals.

Starting from an article on America's loneliness epidemic, Ajai reflects on how that broader crisis intersects with — and is often deepened by — the particular isolation of widowhood.

In the wake of Father's Day, a reflection on Proverbs 1:8 and what parental wisdom means when there's no longer a spouse to share child-rearing decisions with.

On the anniversary of her husband John's death — May 1, 2015, after three sedated days in the hospital — and the mixed emotions the month of May carries as a result.

Opening from an ordinary scene in a fast-food line, Ajai reflects on the idea that grief looks different for everyone — and resists being measured against anyone else's timeline.

On stepping back from her role as lead peer-support facilitator for the monthly widow's support group she's led for years, and what it means to hand a chapter to someone else.

On widowhood wearing down even strong women, and the practice of making her "past self jealous of her current self" — chasing rest, laughter, and joy despite the constant effort it takes.

A milestone-birthday reflection from a woman who's usually the first to cheer on everyone else's birthday, but finds herself ambivalent about her own this year.

News of a former church member's death — someone who served alongside her husband — shakes Ajai just before Christmas, prompting reflection on presence, loss, and showing up for others.

Prompted by retailers "going dark" on Thanksgiving and Christmas so staff can be with family, Ajai reflects on gratitude — and how long it can take to arrive at it honestly.

On presenting at a university's 15th annual Good Grief conference, speaking on the widow's journey alongside other presenters covering mental health.

On refusing to let trauma and grief distort her sense of self or her view of God, even when both are under constant pressure to bend.

Sparked by an article on a flaw in America's social safety net — how it identifies the "worthy" while overlooking the needy — Ajai draws a parallel to how grief and need often get overlooked.

On "honey-do" list memories, prompted by a lunch conversation with a group of widows swapping the good, bad, and funny stories of married life.

Returning after a six-month writing break spent building a stable, safe home environment for herself and her daughter.

Finding old bill receipts while cleaning — her husband John had handled the finances — leads Ajai into reflection on the hospital staff who cared for him in his final three days.

On the unfinished plans, dreams, and conversations that loss leaves behind, and the slow, faith-dependent work of building a new life around that absence.

Reading Tony Evans's account of losing his wife and how it affected his four adult children becomes a lens for Ajai's own reflection on her family's disruption.

A catch-up conversation with a friend of 45 years prompts reflection on how differently both their lives turned out than either of them once imagined.

On being asked how she stays positive while grieving — Ajai, who leads a monthly women's support group, reflects on where that resilience actually comes from.

On the constant uncertainty widows live with, especially after a sudden death, and the particular kind of shock that leaves behind.

On the ongoing, sometimes overwhelming challenges of adjusting to life without a spouse, drawn from Ajai's experience overseeing a monthly widow's support group.

On having experienced deep, life-easing love — and the struggle to find meaning after it's gone.

Catching up with someone she hadn't seen since her husband's 2015 funeral, Ajai reflects on the strange task of deciding which "version" of herself to present.

On the holiday season as a hard, lonely stretch for widows, caught between old traditions and hopes for the future.

On enjoying solitude — contrary to the common assumption that widows dread being alone.

On how complicated modern grieving has become, with widows leaning on grief experts and scholarly research to help them navigate it.

On her lifelong tendency to encourage others and look for the bright side, and what that trait costs and offers her as a widow.

On running her monthly widow's peer support group — tears aren't required to belong, just showing up.

Opens with the Ever Given container ship stuck in the Suez Canal as a metaphor for feeling stuck — and what it takes to get moving again.

On buying a hanging outdoor plant — the first thing of the kind she's bought in six years — as a small but meaningful marker of moving forward.

A reflection on the Lenten tradition of giving something up, in the context of a life already defined by loss.

A birthday reflection — her birthday falls on the last day of January — on how the meaning of the day has shifted over the years.

On becoming a homeowner again — signing the stack of paperwork was both mundane and a real emotional shift.

On a photograph of hands at the top of her stairs, from the last Thanksgiving her husband spent with the family in 2014, given to her by a friend.

A five-year anniversary reflection on her husband's death, after 28 years of marriage.

Written the day after actor Chadwick Boseman's death, using his legacy as a lens on loss and how people are remembered.

Prompted by a Netflix character who returns to her hometown instead of staying in a big city, Ajai reflects on community and where real support comes from.

On hunkering down at home during COVID-19 while also witnessing the 2020 protests unfold — a season Ajai describes as pausing to breathe amid a pandemic and a protest.

On the role music has always played in her life, centered on the song "I Can Only Imagine" and its vision of the afterlife.